Going to slightly venture off the boozy-track today and procrastinate with you guys a bit. Turn off now if you aren't bothered with tapping into one of my life's emotional quandary's. You have been warned.
Today i received a bit of a surprise email from someone who at one stage had meant a lot to me, broke my heart, then meant nothing to me. I've always held a candle for this particular person until she threw some cutting remarks my way, which in-turn, I threw some back at her. Friendship over. Like i mean, over. All remnants of that person had been deleted from my life. Facebook, phone numbers, email, all gone. It was quite a therapeutic thing to do i must say. To know I would no longer be able to hurt my self, someone else, or get hurt from her, again. She lives in a far far away place, as do I. We were going to live out our lives happy, free from each others bickering's, and get on with our careers. Until today. She's coming to New York.
So we have mutual friends, and i guess i always knew we would run into each other some where down the line, i just didn't think this soon. I'm pretty sure she doesn't read my blog. I remember shortly before the straw that had broke the camels back i had mentioned i was thinking of starting a blog. She slated the idea and we got into an argument. Hence, i don't think she ever found out the name of it after the denouncing of each other as Facebuddies.
I'm just not sure i want to see her to save myself the drama. Surely this shows an un-paramounted level of immaturity that i cannot embrace her olive branch and be friends with this person, that at one stage, was one of my best friends? I mean she is only trying to be nice right? Why can't i be nice back??
I feel like, after all the problems i've had with women in the last five years of my life, that i should mentally start from scratch with everyone. That's also what moving to a new city is all about. Embracing a different culture, it's inhabitants, and not getting caught up in things in the past. I need to let this kite fly and get on with new positive people that are going to help me move forward, not backwards. I guess that's what one side of my conscience is saying. On the other hand; I need to be civil about this whole thing, grow up, get a pair, and be a good human being. When she gets here i should be hospitable, yet reserved and first and foremost, a respectful adult.
I generally think i'm coping well with my twenties. I'm happy with where my life is taking me, my career is good, and my friends are amazing. I've made grown up decisions that I'm proud of, am a good person to good people. In general, I have a good 'head on my shoulders'. With this one I think i need some thinking time. I want to make the right decision. I'm going to leave the email for today. Not to act cool, but just because i generally don't know how to play these cards. There's no one who can figure this out apart from myself, and i'm not looking for advice.
If you have read this all, im sorry. This post is exactly what i didn't set out to do when i first started the blog. It's supposed to be fun, light-hearted with a intoxicated tinge. This post is self-absorbed, for lack of better words, 'emo'.
I'll figure this one out, until then it's my day off so i'm going to go for a swim, eat some oysters, and have a drink. Oh by the way, you might be thinking why there's a picture of a tiger being spooned by a pig above. I guess you could read into the irony of the moment and think i'm trying to suggest if they can get along, anyone can. You're wrong, i just think it's a sweet picture.
Have a great day kids..